On Turning 26

26: 13 x 2: two primes
supposedly also the prime of one's life...
yet, what is that feeling?
is it, can it, be slight fear?
25 was cool-a quarter of a century.
worthy of celebration for having reached a landmark year.
but 26...that seems so, well, grown up!

21/22-can still be passed off as youth...
a college student, time for gaiety and nonsense.
26 on the other hand, seems to mean business.
get a job, get a career, get a life.
make some decisions, follow that path.
find a mate, or at least put up with the constant external questioning and raised eyebrows as to why one is mateless.
internally, wonder if the state is impermanent
or perhaps one destined to be a life long companion,
instead of the afore sought after mate.
not that it would be the end of the world or a disaster, of course.
still, the question does 'burn!'

26 then-no longer a young adult, no longer a child except in the eyes of one's parents or grandparents.
scared yet optimistic...surely something good's gotta give?!
the highlight of the day?
getting 'carded:' asked for ID before being allowed to sit at the bar and have a drink.
ah, who'd have thunk it would make my night-but then, being mistaken for under 21, that too on a birthday five (hey another prime) years past that one, is surely worthy of mention?
perhaps not to the reading populace (i am being arrogant to think there is one aren't i?) but certainly for me.

26-gawd already?
have i really inhabited the planet for that long?
with what to show for it?
some few, very light marks.
still i rest on the idea that i will be missed,
if for some reason 26 does not translate to 27...
for the here, the now: 26-here i come!

(December 6, 2005)

Twenty Years

The ringing of the phone, early in the morning.
I glance at the blinking screen-I make a grab for it.
A chirpy, familiar voice on the other end-
Suddenly realizes I am not.
"I woke you-let me call you back later," she says.
"No-don't hang up!!" I exclaim, quickly reassuring her.
There is no one I would rather have waking me up,
So early in the a.m.

We chat, we giggle, we share stories, we philosophize,
From and about our respective lives.
We reminisce about school days, childhood, old times.
On the other end of that long distance line,
Is a person most dear to me.
Someone I have not seen in over five years.
Yet, the time and distance have little meaning for us.
The bond remains, as does the love.

Twenty years of friendship, twenty-four of shared history.
Nothing can alter or lessen that.
We started out bitter school yard rivals.
One thought the other a brainiac,
The other thought the first a wildcat.
Yet that old adage of opposites attracting-well, it happened.
Lives lived in close cohesion became those in different cities,
Different countries, now different continents.

A long conversation later,
I lay back on the pillows,
Snuggle into my warm blanket.
Enjoy the feeling of those words.
Realize that nothing quite compares to it,
To having a friend of, and for, twenty years.
Not just a friend-the friend!
I have many other dear friends.
Spanning early childhood, teen years, college life.
But not another who can match the ties she and I share.
So here's to you, my dearest and oldest friend,
The sister I never had.
The one who remains a constant,
Despite the thousands of miles that separate us.
And here's to the next twenty years...

(December 2006)

My Masks

I wear not one, but many
Masks that protect me and shelter me.
Hide and disguise me,
From this big, and I’ve been told--Bad World.

My Mask is a necessary evil.
It is a robe that allows me to be “proper” and“harmonious”with those in this world.
And yet, it allows me moments to myself.
And a chance to retain my individuality.

There may be a smile on my lips,
But an ache in my heart.
No one need know,I have my blessed Mask.

Turmoil rages within me.
Anger has a place there too.
But, my cherished Mask allows me
To keep the face I show the world--Serene.

At first, I mocked
When told I needed a Mask.
But learnt the hard way
That frankness and honesty are but foes.

Alas,Total trust I dare not give anymore.
It brings me but pain and anguish.
Along with a wish………
That I had been wiser in my ways.

Now,I know.I survive.
By wearing my Masks,
And showing a different face.

(2002; 1995)

Parting

"But I don't want you to go"
Big, sad brown eyes look at me,
As a pouty mouth exclaims those words.

I sigh, we've been through this before.
Not that it ever seems to get easier.
You'd think it would, the seventh time around!

Its a lesson worth remembering...
Practice maketh not perfect,
And repetition maketh not easier.

When you love someone so very much
And they love you back with such sweet intensity,
It hurts as much every time you say goodbye.

'Handsome', 'Baby', 'Monster',
Just some of the endearments he answers to.
One day soon though, that'll come to an end.

"Call me by my name", he will command.
And that is when I'll realize, regretfully,
That my favorite little boy is all grown up.

Still, until that day comes along
I'm making the most of every hug, kiss, question
Smiling in anticipation, of my next visit.

(2006; 2002)